Weapons Cache

The 6th installment of the Galactic Ass Dragon Classic laptop battle looms. This competition is free to enter and anyone can join. Once again, the winner of this epic battle gets a 7″ record release on No Room For Talent Records. This will again be hosted by Mike N’Ike Jones.

To sign-up, email 8cylinder at rhinoplex.org. For rules, information, and the current list of artists participating in this battle, go to http://rhinoplex.org/assdragon6

Saturday June 13, 2009
9PM, 21 and over, $3 admission (everyone who enters the battle gets in for free)
Belvedere’s (4016 Butler Street)
Pittsburgh, PA USA

On February 15th in the year 2008AD, the fifth in a series of abysmal laptop battles in Pittsburgh took place at Belvedere’s Bar. The downward evolution of these events is unmistakable: where the first battle took place in someone’s attic overlooking scenic 18th Street, this latest one was held at a bar which looks like someone’s basement.

18 acts threw their hats in the ring this time, up from last year’s 14. Hardcore, gabber, and breakcore were the dominant styles. However, from Anima Quiem’s EBM to Tusk Lord’s noise to Jason Bursley’s techno, all walks of electronic music sent at least one trooper to this dangerous warzone. Edgar Umm was enlisted to DJ at the end of the battle to eat up any remaining time, but in the end it would turn out that his services were not needed. This event was filled with the atrosities of war right up until the very last possible minute.

The rules were simple and have remained mostly unchanged since the first battle. Anyone could enter, but only a laptop or desktop computer could be used. No gear, no turntables, no cd mixers, and no traditional instruments were permitted. Everyone who entered the battle had 10 minutes to dazzle the judges in the opening round. The top 4 moved on to the 2nd round, then the top 2 from that round went on to the final round to duke it out. The winner won the highly prestigious Galactic Ass Dragon Classic trophy and a 7″ record release on No Room For Talent Records.

Detroit’s J-Stat won this year, edging out local supervillian Vasculator, who won nothing but scorn and contempt.

Greg Trash and myself were the judges and this was without question the hardest battle to judge to date. J-Stat, Vasculator, Selector Catalogue, and Split Horizon were the 4 combatants who moved on from the opening round, but it was difficult to cut some of the other combatants. In particular, Pittsburgh’s Cloned Beef Lukemia and Toledo’s Blaerg, both of whom brought their A games. And it was mentioned more than once after the event that Le Shakes was the standout performance and should have won. Feel free to email me and Greg and let us know how you think we fucked up.

Rob Dizazter stepped right up to the plate and not only entered the contest, but also recorded everyone’s set. His Herculean pain is your reward. The following are his recordings of this event, split into 3 parts. Unfortunately, Baron Knoxburry and Tusk Lord’s sets were not recorded and Erreur Fatale has asked that his set be removed from the recordings:

http://www.sendspace.com/file/te6ef9
http://www.sendspace.com/file/qlu13g
http://www.sendspace.com/file/fgsz6j

There is also no shortage of photographic evidence of this horrible crime:

Rachel’s pictures
Paul’s pictures

No recap of this event would be complete without commenting on the next level performances of the hosts, Mike n’ Ike Jones. They had shown their capacity to delight and astound in previous battles, but as hosts, they were nothing short of amazing. They kept what was an otherwise chaotic night going smoothly, including performing soon-to-be legendary skits between rounds. From here on out, any event in Pittsburgh that isn’t hosted by them is hollow and incomplete.

Look for J-Stat’s 7″ record release on No Room For Talent Records soon.